


since we're alone

by 1000_directions



Series: luckyverse [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Being Loved Exactly As You Are, Established Relationship, Jealousy, M/M, Past Niall Horan/Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, anxiety about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 08:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14053041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000_directions/pseuds/1000_directions
Summary: “What if he wants you back?” Bucky asks, and his heart immediately starts beating faster as he finally voices one of his greatest secret fears.“He doesn’t want me back,” Louis says, shaking his head.“What if hedoes?”Bucky gets jealous.





	since we're alone

Bucky is folding laundry in front of the TV when Louis walks into the room and dramatically lays himself down across the couch, his head in Bucky’s lap, casually kicking all of Bucky’s careful piles to the ground.

“You could’ve just asked me to move the clothing before you got on the couch,” Bucky says.

“I’ll pick it all up,” Louis says. He won’t, but when he leans up, Bucky leans down and kisses him anyway.

“Did you come in here for any reason besides being a menace?” Bucky asks a minute later, ruffling his thumb through the hair on Louis’ chin. Louis bites his thumb, and then he sits up.

“So, Niall’s going to be in town this weekend,” Louis says carefully.

“Niall your ex?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Bucky says. He remains remarkably, impressively calm. He is being remarkable, and Louis should be impressed.

“He asked us to come to his show.” Louis reaches for both of Bucky’s hands and squeezes them gently. “I know it would be a lot for you, but I would really like for us to go.”

“Go to Niall’s show?”

“Yes.” Louis leans his head against Bucky’s shoulder, and Bucky’s arm automatically wraps around Louis’ back. “I know it’s weird because he was my ex, but it’s not like that now. He’s a friend, and I don’t get to see him very often, and I want him to meet you.”

“I’ve never been to a rock concert,” Bucky says. He is staying calm. He’s not focusing on how shockingly jealous he still gets of this man he’s never even met, this man who used to be with Louis and had so much of his love before Louis even knew who Bucky was. It makes him feel fucking sick. So he doesn’t focus on it.

“I know it’s on your list,” Louis says. “I always meant to take you to a show anyway. I can’t promise you’ll like the experience, but Niall’s music is good, and I’ll be right there with you the whole time.”

“When did you last see him?”

“Few years ago.”

“Do you miss him?”

“I don’t miss being with him, if that’s what you’re asking. I just miss seeing my friend. Like how you miss seeing Peter.”

“I’m not going to have sex with Peter,” Bucky says before he can stop himself.

“Cheers,” Louis says after a minute. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Bucky says.

“I know,” Louis says. He shifts around until he’s half in Bucky’s lap and the two of them can look at each other. “What are you worried about, love?”

“What if he wants you back?” Bucky asks, and his heart immediately starts beating faster as he finally voices one of his greatest secret fears.

“He doesn’t want me back,” Louis says, shaking his head.

“What if he _does_?”

“But he _doesn’t_ , love. Anyway, even if he did, I don’t want him back.” He smiles crookedly at Bucky. “I’m quite pleased with my life the way it is.”

 _Me too_ , Bucky thinks. _That’s why I’m so scared of someone swooping in from your past to ruin it_.

“You’re being quiet,” Louis says gently. “If you don’t want to go, we don’t have to.”

“I don’t want you to miss out on seeing your friend,” Bucky says. He hates the idea of taking something from Louis just because he’s being jealous and petty and weird. It’s unacceptable.

“We don’t have to decide right now.”

“Do I have your permission to fight him if he tries to take you back?”

“What?” Louis says with a frown. “No. Of course not. Don’t fight Niall.”

“Does he know about us?”

“Of course, love,” Louis says. “Everyone knows about us. Aliens probably know about us.”

“I did tell some aliens about us,” Bucky confirms.

“Really?” Louis sits up straighter. He always feels so important when he finds out that Bucky’s friends know about him. It’s fucking adorable. “Which ones?”

“Thor and Mantis.”

“Sick,” Louis says, his eyes lighting up. “Why don’t I ever get to meet any of your alien friends?”

“They’re not exactly local,” Bucky says. He’s getting distracted from his original question. “That’s not what I meant, Louis.”

“What’s that?”

“Does Niall _know_ about us?” Bucky repeats. Louis cocks his head in confusion, so Bucky tries to elaborate. “Know...how we are. Does Niall know that we haven’t had sex?”

“Oh,” Louis says, and his face changes so quickly, all annoyance and confusion gone, replaced completely with tenderness. “Bucky, of course not. That’s no one’s business.”

“The two of you are close,” Bucky says. “You tell him lots of things.”

“Sure, but not that,” Louis says. “That’s private. Just for me and you. No one else needs to know what we do or don’t do together.”

“Okay,” Bucky says. The question had felt so valid and important at the time, but now he just feels embarrassed and tired.

“Hey,” Louis says softly. “I’m not like...unsatisfied, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“You had sex with him,” Bucky says.

“Yes.”

“And you haven’t had sex with me.”

“It’s not like that,” Louis says. But it is. It’s exactly like that. “And we do, like...sexy stuff. Even if we haven’t, you know….” Louis gestures inarticulately in the air.

“Had intercourse,” Bucky supplies.

“Right.”

“What if I can never give you what he gave you?” It’s a question Bucky is terrified to ask, because he’s terrified to hear the answer.

“You have already given me everything,” Louis says, and he looks sad now. “Bucky, I love you. You know I do. I’m not waiting and hoping you’ll be something different. I fell in love with you exactly the way you are.”

“Why?” Bucky asks. He doesn't get like this too often anymore, he hardly ever doubts like this, but something about the specter of Niall makes him feel so small and inadequate. “Why would you be with me when you could be with anyone? You could be with the best man out there.”

“I _am_ with the best man out there,” Louis says forcefully. “I’m with the man who carried me up a canyon and watched over me while I slept. I’m with the man who loves me and loves my son and takes care of both of us.” Louis clambers fully into Bucky’s lap now and puts his hands on Bucky’s shoulders, looking right into his eyes. “You’re the best man I know, Bucky Barnes. I love you every second of the day, exactly the way you are.”

“I love you, too,” Bucky says softly. It’s still new, saying those words back to Louis, and it’s not something he says casually. Every time he says those words, it’s like he’s ripping out something private and vital from inside of himself and presenting it to Louis for approval.

“I know,” Louis says, and he brushes the hair back from Bucky’s face with his fingertips, and Bucky closes his eyes and submits to Louis’ touch. “You’re not going to lose me, love. I’m exactly where I want to be.” And Bucky nods his head quietly and keeps trying to believe him

*

Bucky eventually decides that they should go to the concert. He really doesn’t want to be the reason Louis misses out, and besides, it’s time for him to meet this Niall, who he’s built up in his head to be this incredibly powerful adversary. Bucky needs to judge for himself.

“Shit, I wonder if I should have brought security,” Louis says as they arrive at the venue that weekend.

“You have security,” Bucky says. Louis frowns at him in confusion, and Bucky gestures at himself. “Me. I’m security.” He pauses, and then adds, “Idiot.”

“Fuck,” Louis says with a laugh. “Sometimes I forget you’re so tough.” He squeezes Bucky’s hand. “I suppose when I look at you, I just see my sweet boyfriend.”

“No one will touch you,” Bucky avows, but he feels himself flushing. He thinks Louis is the only person who’s ever really been able to see past what he’s done. It’s nice to be loved by someone who doesn’t even see him as a weapon anymore.

The show is fine. Niall is a good singer. The songs are good. He seems friendly and talented and charming. Bucky irrationally hates him anyway.

“Are any of these songs about you?” Bucky asks Louis when there’s a pause in the music.

“Don’t know,” Louis says, wrinkling his nose. “Don’t like to think about that, really.”

“Why not?”

“It’s weird, innit? We’re mates. I don’t want to think about him thinking about me like that.”

“Did you ever write songs about him?”

“‘Course not. Haven’t written a song for yonks.” They both fall silent as Niall starts the next song, then Louis leans over and says, “Would it be weird? If I wrote something about you?”

“Why would you write something about me?” Bucky asks. He’s heard Louis’ old music. It’s very personal, and a lot of it is about mistakes and regrets, and some of it is about being in love with a girl Bucky has never met.

“Because you make me feel just loads and loads of feelings,” Louis says. “Could write about you for ages.”

“That wouldn’t be weird,” Bucky says. That wouldn’t be weird at all.

When the show’s over, they make their way through the crowd and backstage, and Bucky makes sure no one touches Louis. The backstage area is chaotic, and he’s trying so hard to filter out the noise that he barely has time to be angry at Niall as they’re being introduced, as Niall is hugging his Louis, as Niall turns to Bucky and gives him a hug as well. Then Niall and Louis start catching up and bantering, so Bucky tunes out and tries to center himself and focus on his breathing.

He’s pulled back into the conversation by Niall saying his name and Louis trying to hush him.

“What’s that?” Bucky asks.

“I said,” Niall says with a cheeky grin, “have you seen Tommo’s Iron Man costume? Has he busted it out for any special occasions yet?”

“I’ll fuckin’ _kill you_ ,” Louis says, while Bucky just blinks. He’s never seen an Iron Man costume at Louis’ place, and he’s not sure how he feels about the idea of Louis owning one, and he’s also not sure what kind of special occasion Niall is referring to.

“You have an Iron Man costume?” he asks.

“No,” Louis says firmly. “I had one ages ago, but I got rid of it. Fuck off, Neil.”

“Shame,” Niall says, raising an eyebrow. “Could’ve had some fun with that, I reckon.”

“I change my mind,” Louis says, turning to Bucky. “I give you full permission to fight Niall. He’s got dodgy knees, so that might be a good place to start.”

Bucky knows that Louis is kidding, that he doesn’t actually have permission to harm Louis’ friends, but he glowers menacingly anyway and makes the plates of his metal arm flutter until Niall takes a step back with his hands raised in defeat. Good.

Meanwhile, Louis winds himself around Bucky, kisses him high on his neck behind his ear, and then whispers, “I love you. Thank you for doing all of this.” He’s so quiet that no one else can hear, but Bucky feels the vibrations clearly against his ear, feels them amplify and fill him up.

“Get a room, you slag,” Niall is saying, but Louis ignores him, and so Bucky does, too.

Bucky is stupid, really. He’s really, really so stupid, but it’s all going to be okay. Because the sound of Louis loving him is already the loudest song he’s ever heard.

**Author's Note:**

> always accepting prompts at [tumblr](http://1000-directions.tumblr.com/ask)


End file.
